What does being productive mean? What does it look like? Feel like? Today is Friday, and I am thinking back over my week and wondering if I checked enough things off of my many lists.

List making makes me feel in control when I know that there is not such thing as being in control. No matter how well you plan your week, there is always that one or two or twenty things that pop up unexpectedly. Sometimes those things end up being the best parts of your week.

The older I get the more I realize that I don’t have as much stamina as I once had, and some things just don’t get done on a rigid timeline. I will get to them eventually, but I am done beating myself up over perceived lack of productivity. I am more about presence these days.

This week I got to be present with my grandsons. I had time to talk to both of them and ask them about their school day. Parker regaled us with his fabulous recorder skills. (You may think I am bias as a grandmom, but as a former music teacher I have heard more than my share of bad recorder playing!) Nolan had time to show me his special dinosaur and organize a few “group” hugs.

What might productivity look like through the lens of presence?

• writing a shopping list
• savoring a cup of tea – noticing its unique aroma
• cleaning out one drawer
• finishing a book
• playing a board game

This weekend I am going to focus on being present, and maybe productivity will come along for the ride.

This morning a backyard cacophony of chirps and tweets greeted me as I got ready for my shower. The birds are back to their early morning concerts, and that can only mean one thing – It’s Slice of Life Challenge time!

Thirty-one days…

• of blog posts
• of looking for ideas
• of noticing small moments
• of the stress of posting before midnight
• of pushing myself
• of reading other writers’ posts
• of learning
• of pondering
• of growth

The list could go on. This yearly challenge excites me, scares me, and inspires me as a writer, a teacher, and a lifelong learner. I hope you will follow me on this month-long journey.

Years ago I gave up watching local TV news in the morning before school. Often times there would be a story that would embed itself in me so deeply that I couldn’t shake it. This wasn’t the mindset with which I wanted to greet my students, so it had to go.

Next to go was the 11:00 news. When I got to a certain age I couldn’t stay up that late but no worries – they began broadcasting at 10:00 for those who wanted to get to sleep earlier. The problem was that after I watched the 10:00 broadcast I had trouble falling asleep.

That leaves the evening news that begins at 4:00 and ends at 7:30 depending on what channel you watch. Tonight, my daughter suggested it was time for me to break up with the news for good. My husband and I have gotten into the habit of watching together – usually from 5:00 – 6:30. I have no idea why because we just watch the same stories over and over.

The local news in Philadelphia has been filled with gun violence for the past several years. While I don’t live in the city anymore, it is my hometown. It makes me so sad to think that the place that gave me so many great memories growing up is now a place I am not so eager to visit anymore. It is also upsetting that I watch the news and am not surprised. I am afraid I am becoming hardened to it.

Then there was this past Saturday. A Temple University police officer was killed in the line of duty.

This man was 31 years old, a husband, and a father of four. He was active in the community in which he lived and worked. He was trying to make his corner of the world a better place, and now he is gone.

Tonight we watched as his distraught wife spoke through tears of how her worst nightmare came true. It was too much. It was too sad. It was too real.

While I may not be able to break up with the news forever, I think the news and I need to be on a break. I need to find a way to bring hope back into my view of the world – into my heart – into my soul.

Rest easy Officer Fitzgerald.

Are you a list maker? I am. My “To-Do” list is constantly going through revision after revision and never seems to end. When things remain on the list for too long, feelings of inadequacy and disappointment start to seep in, and that is not how I want to end my day or week.

So in an effort to turn my days and evenings into something more positive, I am creating a “Have Done” list. I chose “done” instead of “finished” or “completed” because that would put too much pressure on me. I can feel satisfied and accomplished by validating the things I managed to “get done” in a day.

Here’s what was on my “Have Done” list for the past couple of days. No judgment, please!

Saturday

• balanced my checkbook
• three loads of laundry
• vacuumed
• Watched my grandsons – had dinner together and played a variety of games

Sunday

• finished my lesson plans
• returned a couple of emails
• deleted over 2000 emails from my inbox (You won’t believe how many are still in there!)
• ordered my granddaughter’s birthday present
• packed my lunch for Monday
• folded laundry

Monday

• turned in my lesson plans
• finished grading Opinion Writing introductory paragraphs
• put away NJHS supplies

As you can see, some days were more productive than others, but that’s okay. Instead of having a negative feeling of not getting everything on my “To-Do” list crossed off, I can put my head on my pillow knowing that I couldn’t do everything, but I did do something, and that’s enough.

Here we are on the brink of February – about halfway through winter. Depending on where you live winter may be brutally cold or warmer than normal. You may be coping with snow drifts and shoveling or longing for just one small snow event that covers your world like powdered sugar on a donut. Either way, winter can be a long dark, and dreary season.

I follow Modern Mrs. Darcy https://modernmrsdarcy.com/ and receive Anne Bogel’s blog posts via email. One of her latest posts was “What’s Saving Your Life Right Now?” and was the inspiration for my post today. In her post, she explains that she was inspired by Barbara Brown Taylor’s memoir, Leaving Church. Ms. Taylor was invited to speak at a gathering and asked for a topic for her talk. Her host’s request was “Tell us what is saving your life right now.” That inspired Anne along with some of her friends to stop each winter at the halfway point and make a list of things that were saving their lives right now because our lives reflect what we think about. What a great tradition to start. Each of us has a laundry list of things that are killing us, but do we stop and think about what is saving us? So here goes…

• My husband, Chuck. We are going on 42 years of marriage, and 49 years of being together. He is my biggest champion, and he makes me laugh every day. He is my ultimate lifesaver!
• My children and their spouses. The older we get the closer we become. I can count on any one of them to lend an ear or a hand whenever I need it.
• My grandchildren. There is nothing that makes life wonderful more than their smiles, laughs, and unconditional love. Just thinking of them brings a smile to my face and a tug at my heart.
• A cozy blanket. I look forward to snuggling under a cozy blanket each day to read, watch TV, or just nap.
• Spotify. Music has always been able to lift me up or calm me down.
• Audible. I have only recently begun listening to books on Audible, but I love being read to. There is just something so calming and wonderful about it.
• Amazon Prime. Physically shopping has become somewhat difficult over the last few years and being able to shop online and get things quickly is a huge help.

I am sure that at any given time this list might change depending on the circumstances. Maybe I should make this a seasonal activity and see how different or similar the lists look.

I hope that I am a person on someone else’s list. I hope that I can be a lifesaver for someone by listening with an empathetic ear, speaking with a kind or supportive word, or sending a spur-of-the-moment greeting. I have been blessed with so many lifesavers in my life; I am going to be more purposeful in paying it forward. You never know when you will make a difference in someone’s life at the time they need it most.

After years of bone-on-bone knee pain, I had my right knee replaced this past June. I was more than pleased with the results of the surgery, physical therapy, and the rate at which I was able to walk without pain. It was only natural that I would schedule the left knee to be replaced as soon as possible because that too was terribly painful and prevented me from fully participating in life. I was expecting to be back to my prime self by Christmas. Enter reality.

The left knee replacement took place the week before Thanksgiving, and I was ready to be relieved of the pain that had been plaguing me and begin rehabbing the new knee. Well, things didn’t go quite as easily as the first time around. The doctor noticed that my MCL was very loose and needed some tightening. That resulted in me being in a knee immobilizer 24/7 for three weeks. This made everything so much more difficult – walking – sleeping – showering. I was disappointed but glad that I would not have to go back for a second surgery. The biggest surprise was the foot drop that resulted as a result of the surgery. It is a rare side effect – less than .79% of patients end up with this as a result of TKR surgery. Lucky me! I wish I were that lucky when playing the lottery. I am now in an AFO brace to help prevent me from tripping over my own toes as I am unable to lift my toes off the ground yet. We are hopeful that the foot drop will resolve itself in a few months with PT. Fingers crossed!

You may not be aware, but patients may not get dental work done during the first three months after joint replacement surgery because of the risk of infection. After that, they take an antibiotic before any dental work for about a year. Well, my molar that has been on “crown watch” decided that it couldn’t hold on any longer and a chunk of the tooth came out leaving some sharp edges and the filling intact. After calls to the surgeon and the dentist, it was decided that I would live with this tooth as is until it began to hurt at which time the dentist would fit me with a brand-new crown. We are hoping to make it to the middle of February. Fingers crossed!

So if that was not enough excitement for this holiday season I would spend the night of 1/1-1/2 in the ER. We had eaten a lovely dinner with my sister and her husband on New Year’s evening and returned home at around 8:00 PM. Just after 10:00 PM, I started having pain in my chest. At first, I thought it was heartburn, but it was not going away and was actually getting worse. It radiated from the middle of my chest to around my right side just under my ribcage. The pain was so intense I thought I was having a heart attack – even though it was on my right side. Off we went to the hospital. After an EKG, chest x-ray, and ultrasound, it was determined that I was having a gallbladder attack. Since there was no inflammation or infection present I was allowed to go home once they got the pain managed. I have to follow up with another surgeon, but I am hoping that by watching what I eat I can hold off surgery until the summer since I have already been out of school for six weeks. Fingers crossed!

They say bad things come in threes, so I hope that this is it for me. None of these things individually were actually that bad (well the gallbladder pain was pretty bad), but the timetable they used to appear could have been better. I think they need a penalty for “piling on.”

There is always a lesson to be learned in every situation, and I learned several.

• Expectations can lead to disappointment. I would still tell anyone who was thinking about a TKR (total knee replacement) to do it sooner rather than later. After all, not everyone can be as lucky as I was to have the added bonus of a foot drop! It was naive of me to think that my two knee surgeries would have identical outcomes.
• Don’t take your life for granted. I have a new appreciation for people who have permanent disabilities that make daily life a challenge. I knew that I would eventually be out of the immobilizer, but I was still frustrated. The same goes for the foot drop. Many people don’t have that hope, and sometimes their lives are difficult.
• My body apparently doesn’t tolerate unhealthy eating as it did when I was younger. I need to do the hard work of eating cleaner.
• Getting older means adding new providers to the ever-growing list of doctors I need to see each year.

I am returning to school next week with a new appreciation for having time at home to recover, the women who were my subs, and the relatively good health I am in. Who knows what the rest of 2023 has in store for me? What I do know is I have learned that I need to go with the flow and take care of myself because you can’t plan for everything. I hope I am on my way to a great rest of the year. Fingers crossed!

I have been MIA from my blog for three months. While I have been writing both on paper and in my head, no words have reached the typed page. The culprit of this break is a total knee replacement. You see the month before surgery I was trying to wrap up the school year and have things in place for my last week of school absence. This included completing grades, packing up my classroom, and taking care of the long “to do” list of tasks that needed tending before I took my leave.

The knee replacement surgery or TKR of my right knee went off without a hitch. I had done all of my pre-hab exercises and worked on getting my body and mind ready for the surgery. My sister, who had bilateral TKR in October, was my guide and cheerleader. She prepped me with all the information I would need to know to make this a successful operation. Her phenomenal recovery made me think anything was possible.

I had prepared myself for the pain post-op, and the energy and determination that would be needed for PT. Neither of which were as bad as I expected. My progress was right on schedule, and I had a great three-week post-op visit with the orthopedic PA. Life was good. Yet something felt unsettling.

Dedicating myself to doing my daily exercises and icing my knee took discipline, but I made a schedule and stuck to it in order to reach my end goal. It was the other part of recovery that took me by surprise. I had no idea it would be so hard to allow myself to “do nothing” and heal. My time between exercise sessions consisted of sleeping and reading with a healthy meal thrown in between. Never would I have thought that healing would make me feel guilty. Although everyone around me kept reminding me that I just had major surgery, I kept feeling like I should be “doing” more.

Little by little I learned how to give myself permission to “just be.” I learned many lessons during the last six weeks post-TKR.

• how to slow down and listen to what my body and soul need
• who are the people in my life who truly care about me
• how to enjoy the things that have taken a backseat in my life like reading, writing, and connecting with my spiritual life
• the importance of taking care of myself and focusing on what I need to thrive
• the gift of silence

August is here, and normally I would be stressing about the beginning of the new school year about now. However, this summer and recovery journey has me rethinking my old ways. I am definitely excited for and wary of the approaching school year, but I am not letting it consume me (at least not yet). There are days to be lived and moments to be loved over these next weeks that I don’t want to miss out on.

TKR has given me relief from some pain, a lesson in perseverance, and a new vision of my world. Since I haven’t quite mastered all of these things, I have scheduled my next TKR for November. I wonder what new lessons I will learn. Whatever they may be, I know I will give myself time, patience, and everything I’ve got to the process.

Today I take time to remember the teachers who influenced me during my days as a student in elementary school and high school.

• Sr. Therese Kathleen SSJ – this kind first-grade teacher was gentle even when my behavior was not.
• Sr. Roseathea SSJ – this elementary music teacher first ignited my love of music.
• Sr. Alice John SSJ – this 7th-grade teacher thought outside of the box and formed a jug band in class, teaching me that school could be fun in unexpected ways.
• Sr. Clare Andrew OSF – this HS English teacher helped me find the writer within.
• Sr. Clair Immaculate OSF – this Senior English teacher first published my writing.
• Mr. Eligio Rossi – my first and best string bass teacher pushed me to be better at each and every lesson
• Dr. Michael Giamo – the conductor of the Philadelphia All-City Orchestra gave me an opportunity to perform with the best on stage at the Academy of Music and fueled my passion for strings.

This June will be 50 years since I graduated from Resurrection of Our Lord grade school in Northeast Philadelphia (YIKES!). Then I spent four years at St. Hubert Catholic High School in the Tacony section of Philadelphia. These years certainly had their ups and downs, successes and failures, friends and foes, but in all those instances there were teachers who helped me navigate my childhood and adolescence and shepherd me towards young adulthood. I am sure if I spent enough time on it, many more would come to mind, but right now these are the ones my 60+ brain can easily remember. I appreciate them all.

I am also thinking about the teachers who have been my colleagues over the years. I don’t want to start listing them because I will undoubtedly miss a few. This is my 36th year teaching, and I never stop learning from the teachers with whom I work. Some started out as colleagues and ended up as life-long friends. Know that I appreciate each of you.

Last by not least are the younger teachers who are struggling in the trenches right now. I see you. I understand. Hang in there if you can. You matter! Someday after your career is long over, one of your students will be writing a list of the teachers who impacted their life, and you will probably be on that list. You make a difference! I appreciate that your chose this profession.