With two minutes to spare my post for today.

When you are tired you have to sleep! There’s always tomorrow.

I sat in the recliner after dinner to watch just 30 minutes of TV before going upstairs to write. It was 7:00, and the whole evening was ahead of me.

Here I am at 11:00 just opening my eyes and writing my post. Oops…an unexpected nap before bed.

Some people would now have a sleepless night, but not me. I am going up to bed and will be asleep before my head hits the pillow. 🥱😴😂

Where am I on my life’s journey? How do I want to spend whatever time I have left on this planet? Who am I really? In my current season of life (autumn, I hope – not winter), I have been spending time looking back at where I began, the stops along the way, and how far I have come.

As I journey down this path I set out on at birth, I realize I have come to a section where I feel a little wiser. I am less hungry for the “things” of this world and more hungry for the meaning of my last 64 years. How did I get here after so many twists and turns, shortcuts, and detours? What lessons have I learned along the way? The sojourners who came before me – family, friends, neighbors, co-workers, and acquaintances left pieces of themselves for me to discover and learn from – contributing to the woman I am today.

The Cambridge Dictionary defines self as: “the set of someone’s characteristics, such as personality and ability, that are not physical and make that person different from other people.”

I have played so many roles in this drama called life. They include daughter, sister, student, friend, wife, teacher, mother, and colleague – just to name a few. Each of these roles tapped into different characteristics of my “self.” In some way, each of these roles shaped me. Part of me is still searching for my “self.”

The name flashes before me –
my name.
But who is this being?
The flashing continues.
With each blink a new name –
Wife
Mother
Nona
Sister
Teacher
Friend
Colleague

All of these titles,
yet one eludes me –

SELF

Who am I
at my core
when stripped of
my monikers?

Who?

As a young girl, I memorized the words to this poem and use to recite it when neighbors requested a “trick” on Halloween. (Back in the “old days” that was a thing.) The first stanza has stayed with me for many years.

Autumn is my happy season. I can never get enough of the colors of the changing leaves. They lift my heart and soul. It is like they are reimagining what they can be. Yes, they can be brittle and cracked, but they blanket the earth like Grandma’s beautiful patchwork quilt. Autumn has a beauty all its own.

Autumn has taken on new meaning lately. Being in my sixth decade of life, I tend to believe I am in the autumn of my life – at least I hope it is still autumn! I am beginning to reimagine what life can/will be when I retire from teaching in a few years – thinking about what I’d like to do. What will Act II of my life consist of?

Like the changing leaves, my hair color is changing. The gray that use to just be near my ears is weaving its way through my sandy brown hair, and I am OK with it. No hair dye for me. I’ve earned each and every one of those grays. Like the changing leaves, aging can be beautiful especially since it is a gift not afforded to everyone.

Nature teaches us that autumn is a season for letting go, so that’s what I am trying to work on this year – letting go.

• of expectations
• of being critical of myself
• of “things” I have collected over the years
• of worrying about things that are out of my control
• of doing things I don’t want to do just because someone thinks “I should”
• of situations that don’t add joy to my life

What is your happy season? Nature has so many lessons to teach us if only we would be attentive students.

This morning I was running late for my monthly WCWP writing groups Zoom meeting. I grabbed my school hoodie and threw it over my pajamas (now the secret is out writing project friends), grabbed my notebook and a bottle of water and headed to the dining room where my laptop was situated on the table. Great! I will only be a couple of minutes late.

I fired up the HP and waited, and waited, and waited. My laptop decided to pick now as the exact moment it would do an update, and another, and another. I texted P. to let her know I was waiting on my laptop and would be joining the group soon. Then it dawned on me – I could join the Zoom meeting from my phone. Ta da! Faces!

When the computer was finally finished updating, I tried to log on – wrong password, wrong password, wrong password. Seems like three is my unlucky number today. I tried to access it with my alternate email, and apparently I don’t know that either. I was finally able to access and log on after requesting a text messaged code. Phew!

Next month I will be setting my alarm for an early wake up and give myself enough time to handle and technical difficulties which arise. My luck I will be able to log on on the first try!

Happy Weekend.

I am participating in the Slice of Life Challenge sponsored by twowritingteacher.org

Since June of 2020, I have been complaining to my optometrist and optician that I could not see clearly. Street signs were getting progressively more difficult to read. I got new glasses in June 2020, then a lens change three months later, and another new prescription in June of 2021. Apparently, I had cataracts in both eyes, but they weren’t “ready” yet. Well, I was ready!!

When school started in September, I noticed a significant change in my distance vision. I couldn’t recognize who was speaking to me from across the faculty parking lot, so I would wave and say hello so as not to appear rude. It was frustrating not to be able to feel confident driving even the short distance between home and school; I felt like my vision was the same with or without my corrective lenses. Forget about driving at night; the lights were blinding. I was beginning to feel like Mr. Magoo. (If you are not of a certain age, you may have to Google him!) Thankfully, I met with my ophthalmologist in November and was finally able to schedule cataract surgery for January and February. Hallelujah!

Fast-forward to post-surgery. After having a new lens placed into my right eye, I was shocked by the difference in the vision between my eyes. Not only was my “bad” eye still blurry, everything I saw was cast in a yellow tint or glow. I hadn’t realized this before. I kept closing one eye and then switching and closing the other eye, it was mind-boggling to me and probably questionable to anyone watching me. I couldn’t wait for the second eye surgery!

The first time I could see clearly out of both eyes post-surgery was a day I will never forget. I was in awe of all the beautiful things I had been missing for at least the last two years. I was seeing the same landscapes that I had seen every day but now with literally “new eyes.” The bare brown branches of the winter trees against the blue sky were amazing; I could now see even the smallest of branches!

These “new eyes” got me thinking about how much of my vision might be clouded in other ways. Am I seeing people and situations in clear light or in some clouded view that I have learned to live with? I can’t answer that today, but I can work on finding out.

It’s not what you look at that matters, it’s what you see.

Henry David Thoreau

I am participating in the Slice of Life Challenge sponsored by twowritingteachers.org.

I have spent the last year mourning the loss of things I could not do because of COVID, health issues, or finances. There always seemed to be something being canceled or postponed; life became  a game of surviving rather than thriving. I kept waiting for things to change, but it was only this past week I realized I am the one who needs to change. 

Every year, for the last 10 or so, instead of making New Year’s resolutions, I have chosen my “One Little Word” to be the focus of the year ahead.  This year is no different.  These were the contenders.

After carefully considering my options, I chose the word EMBRACE which according to the Google dictionary means to “accept or support (a belief, theory, or change) willingly and enthusiastically.”

My goal is to refocus my view of myself and the world by embracing rather than pushing away whatever comes my way.  I don’t have to like everything, but in every situation there is something to be learned, something to be celebrated, something to be embraced. 

What kinds of things will I be trying to embrace? Here’s my list in progress.

• Myself
• The journey
• Imperfections
• Change
• Life
• Uncertainty
• Failures
• Roadblocks
• Slow progress
• Alone time
• Other people’s achievements

As I usher out 2021 and ring in 2022, I look forward to being inspired by my “One Little Word,” to living instead of just surviving, and to embracing whatever life has in store for me.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

This was one view on my morning commute. There was low visiablity, and I could only focus on what was right in front of me and not much more in my rearview mirror. I drove a little slower to be sure I was ready in case anything jump in front of me.

That got me thinking about how this past year has forced me to slow down and await the next COVID-related thing to jump out at me. It has been a year with very low visiblity and very high anxiety. Not being able to plan or see past the next COVID update.

Some days I have felt lost. I lost the opportunity to come and go a I please, see my children, grandkids, family and friends, and go out without a mask. It has been as if I have been driving in the fog and a part of me vanished in the mist. The part of me that enjoyed reading and writing, the part that looked forward to things, the part that knew how to teach in my classroom, all of them changed.

I didn’t mind the changes when I thought they would only be temporary, but when they persisted, I had to find a way to persist. I had to decide to make the best of the little bit of life I could see or stay lost. There certainly were some good things that came out of this past year, but I am looking forward to what new opportunities await me once the fog of COVID lifts.

Sometimes when you lose your way in the fog, you end up in a beautiful place. Don’t be afraid of getting lost.

Mehmut Murat ildan

I am participating in the Slice of Life Story Challenge for the month of March. I will be posting every day this month. It is sponsored by twowritingteachers.org. #SOL21

Your perspective will either become your prison or your passport.

Steven Furtick

Covid has taken its toll on my life in many ways. Thank goodness my family and I remain healthy, but I don’t feel “well” in other ways.  I have lost my creative drive.  I cannot focus on a book for pleasure and my “free time” is often spent watching TV – Hallmark Movies, reruns of Shark Tank, and Guy’s Grocery Games.  I realize that these programs need very little real attention since they are a set format, which is good because my attention span is minuscule.  I am not faring much better in my writing life either as my last blog post was almost three months ago.  

A few days ago, one of my former students posted a video message on Facebook, and the student became the teacher.  Michelle Trifiletti. regularly shares experiences from her journey through life with her followers.  One of her followers made the statement that she wished she had her life “figured out” the way Michelle does.  Michelle took to Facebook to assure us she doesn’t have it all “figured out;” she just has a different perspective. Michelle went on to explain that “things don’t happen to you; they happen for you. They are all in God’s plan to make us into the person we are meant to be  – to learn the lessons we are supposed to learn  to be able to help the people we are supposed to help.” 

Michelle made me realize that it all comes down to trust – trust in the journey –  trust in the process.  As adults we want to be in control; we want to plan and execute the plan; we want to get a certain result.  You would think that by the ripe old age of 62, I would know that control is overrated and plans are meant to be changed, but sometimes we need a reminder. 

So today I am changing my perspective. Maybe I wasn’t languishing in a “creative desert” but rather in a short “hibernation” resting up for a restart and a new adventure. Perhaps all the reasons that I couldn’t focus on reading or writing were happening for me so I could focus on other things that needed my attention. Regardless, I am going to stop trying to figure it out and remember to trust the process.

Thanks, Michelle!