Change is inevitable, and each season of life brings challenges and wonders. I lost Chuck at the start of autumn, my favorite season, and my grief kept me from seeing the beauty of the changing leaves. As autumn passed into winter, the wonder of the first snowfall soon gave way to the trials of a snowy season we hadn’t seen in years. It felt as though Mother Nature was adding insult to injury.

Now, as winter fades, I find myself on the first day of spring—a season of hope and new beginnings—and I hesitate to embrace it. New beginnings can be exciting or frightening, welcomed or not. I never wanted this new beginning that Chuck’s passing has forced on me: widowhood. I knew it was possible, like winning the lottery, but that hasn’t happened. Yet, here I am.

I am on a see-saw of hope and despair. Some days, I am hopeful that life can be good again, even without the love of my life physically present. Other days, I fall into a pit of despair where nothing makes sense. It is a grueling process that takes time, patience, and grace. I have plenty of time, but am short on patience and grace. Yet, I remain hopeful.

This spring I hope…

• The warmer weather and longer days will bring a lightness to my mood.
• I am able to begin focusing on things that bring me joy.
• I can continue to carry Chuck with me, honor his memory with more smiles than tears.
• That cleaning out my classroom in preparation for retirement goes smoothly.
• To make a concerted effort to spend time with people who renew my spirit.

Here’s hoping!

Today, we began six days of Terra Nova standardized testing. I must say it is not one of my favorite times of the year. Some students are anxious, some work very diligently, and others finish quicker than Usain Bolt in the world championships.

We test in the morning, and shorten classes for the rest of the day. I feel like a gerbil on a wheel – spinning, spinning all day. I wrote a quick poem to release some pent-up thoughts.

It’s standardized testing time of year.
The groans & moans are what we hear.
Not just from the students – no, it’s more.
Teachers, too, want to run out the door.

Number two pencils – a good night’s sleep,
That’s how good scores a student will reap.
Six mornings of testing, what a drag!
Some students soar while others will lag.

So many times I read the same words.
Reading directions is for the birds.
Five more days till this testing will end
Off to be graded, these tests we’ll send.

When six days are over, I will cheer.
This is my very last testing year!
No more directions for me to read.
Retirement is just what I need!

There are very few middle school students who love grammar.  I understand.  Using correct grammar comes pretty naturally to me, but even I have to double-check sometimes.  We began working on clauses a few weeks ago, and everyone was doing okay. They understood which parts of speech are needed in a clause and could even identify whether clauses were being used as adjectives or adverbs.

Well, we began looking at noun clauses (definitely not my favorite) this week.  When the students realized that there was more than one way to use a noun clause in a sentence, you would have thought I was asking them to read in a foreign language! There were groans, eye rolls, and sighs aplenty. Some couldn’t believe that I was asking them to identify the phrase AND explain how it was being used!  Wait?  What?  We have to think?

These interactions inspired a limerick in the spirit of St. Patrick’s Day.

There once was a subject called grammar.

It caused all the students to clamour.

How are the words used?

Kids seem so confused!

They’ve started to call me a scammer!

Wait until they find out they have to use noun clauses in their writing!! 🙂

A few weeks ago, I visited the James A. Michener Museum in Doylestown, PA. One of my earlier posts focused on the Eric Carle exhibition. Today, I want to focus on the extraordinary wood pieces on display. While I enjoyed exploring the paintings, the wood pieces kept drawing me in.

I love baseball, so I imagine how delighted I was to see this creation! Although these bats are all designated as “rejects” from the bat factory, I wonder what stories they could tell. From their different materials to their shapes and sizes, I found them so interesting.

“Baseball is in an uproar over the latest in bat technology, but art is way ahead of the conversation with Bucks County woodworker Mark Sfirri’s “Rejects from the Bat Factory.” This is a signature series from Mark Sfirri, always on view here at the Michener and with other sets included in collections at @smithsonian and the National Baseball Hall of Fame and Museum.” (from the museum website)

While I am awed by all of the woodworks housed at the museum, this door is my absolute favorite.

“In 1966, Philadelphia-born designer, sculptor, and craftsman Phillip Lloyd Powell (1919-2008) traveled extensively through Spain, Portugal, England, Sicily, and Morocco, where he was inspired by the carvings and decorative elements he encountered. Powell particularly loved the intricately carved doors in Morocco, which inspired this brightly-colored, carved doorway made for one of his residences located outside New Hope, Pennsylvania.” (from the museum website)

When the museum acquired the door in 2009, it was covered with layers of blue and green latex overpaint, obscuring the original colors and crisp carvings.

People who remembered the door from its time in New Hope said it was originally red and orange. The museum then worked with a furniture conservator who carefully analyzed the layers of paint and restored it to its original splendor.

I sat for quite a while looking at and thinking about that door. Doors symbolize the transition from one state of being to another, leaving one part of life behind and moving on. Doors can also represent making decisions, such as ‘should I stay or go’ or ‘choose one path or another.’

We all go through many doors in our lifetimes, both literally and figuratively. For the past 45 years, Chuck and I have jointly decided which door to open and which ones to close. The last big decision we made together was that I would retire at the end of this school year, and I am sticking with that decision – closing the door on the 5:30 alarms!

Now, I am opening the doors on my own. While I do have many supportive family members and friends to consult with, ultimately I am the one making the choices. There are many doors waiting for me to open, I hope they are all as beautiful as the refurbished Powell Door.

My weekend “to-do” list is remaining mostly undone, but that is okay. I think I had high hopes, but not enough bandwidth to tackle the list.

This weekend, I spent time with my grandchildren and other family members either in person or via telephone calls. These interactions were definitely more meaningful than any household chores.

Right now I feel like I am in survival mode, and that is okay, too. Life is hard right now trying to figure out what my new normal will look like. I am caught between two lives – the one I had prior to September 2025 and the one after. My mind knows what I need to do, but my heart is unwilling.

The quiet voice inside my head is saying, “I will try again tomorrow.”

Last week was rough – lots of sadness, lots of tears. Yesterday morning was the release of the damn although it was not planned. My supportive colleagues lifted me up and stepped in when I could not. I am so grateful for their love and compassion.

Last night I got the opportunity to see my grandson play in the middle school jazz band for the first time. An added bonus was that his uncle, my son, was directing the high school jazz band at the same event. This was a treat considering they are in two different school districts. Chuck would have been so proud! I know I was.

Also, last night, one of Chuck’s high school friends texted me from where he lives in Florida. It was nice to hear from him, and his words reminded me just how much Chuck would want me to keep going and enjoying life. It’s not that I don’t know that, but when someone else who knew him well reminds me, I take it at a little nudge from above. I woke up today feeling a little lighter.

Today’s a new day

Look to the future and still

remember the past

The weather here is having an identity crisis. Yesterday, when I left school, the temperature was 83°! Today, when I leave school, it will be 41° with a feel-like temperature of 32°! Welcome to “False Spring” in Pennsylvania!

A storm moved in overnight, and the barometric pressure dropped faster than the ball on New Year’s Eve! Today will be a mix of rain and snow. Besides being a mood buster, the storm is wreaking havoc on my sinuses!  A sinus headache, congestion, post-nasal drip, and facial pain are my constant companions. I am trying to follow suggestions for sinus relief, like staying hydrated.  Staying hydrated isn’t easy when you are a teacher. (IYKYK)

Hope the weather where you are is behaving better!

On my drive home from school yesterday, the center display panel, which looks like a mini iPad, started flashing. At first, I thought it was the sun shining through the trees as I drove, but then I realized something was wrong with the screen. How could this be?!? It’s my first brand-new car ever, and after eight months, there is a dashboard problem?

I am not going to lie, the first thing I did was cry. I cried because normally, I would call Chuck even though I would be home in seven minutes. But nothing is normal anymore. When I got home, I turned off the car, waited a minute, and restarted it, hoping that would solve the problem. Unfortunately, it did not. I dug the owner’s manual out of the glove box, but no help there either.

Still a little teary, I went into the house, sat down, and thought, “What would Chuck do?” He would ask Siri, but I deferred to Google. In under a minute, I had a possible answer to the flashing. Apparently, it could be a software glitch, a recall, a system overload, or physical interference – take your pick. I decided to see if it was still flashing in the morning, then call the dealer. I was proud of myself for not calling my kids or siblings and for handling the problem myself.

Of course, this morning it was working perfectly!