My advice to my children has always been that they should forgive. Forgive those who have hurt your feelings or who have wronged you. Sometimes they ask “why?” or say that they just can’t forgive. My reply is always the same – holding a grudge and not forgiving does not hurt the person who wronged you. They may not even know or care about what they did. Witholding forgiveness only hurts the grudge-holder. We can never be at peace with ourselves if we are not at peace with others.

Forgiving and finding that peace does not mean forgetting what a person did or said; forgiving is about releasing yourself from feeling bitter. That grudge-holding and bitterness will become an albatross around your neck if you are not willing to forgive. I know this from experience.

You know that old saying – “Do as I say, not as I do.” Well, I have come to a crossroads, and I need a Moonstruck moment – “Snap out of it!” I have found myself unable to forgive and let go, and taking my own advice is difficult. You see, part of me wants to hold the grudge/s forever. On some level that anger and bitterness feel satisfying, but at its core it is toxic, and toxcitity can kill you – body and soul.

Maybe it was the start of Lent on Ash Wednesday, or one of the meditations on my Calm app, or “The Bible in a Year” podcast I’ve been listening to – whatever it was, I have decided it is finally time to stop witholding forgiveness, stop torturing myself, and release myself from the bitterness and anger that has been taking up too much space in my head and my heart.

This certainly isn’t going to be easy, but I am taking it one day at a time, one situation at a time. Wish me luck. I wish you peace.

Snow Weary

Another snow storm is forcasted for Thursday. Here is what we can expect according to Accuweather – heavy mixed precipitation possible. Total snow and sleet accumulations of 3 to 6 inches and ice accumulations of one tenth to one quarter of an inch possible from late Wednesday night through Friday afternoon. Those of you who live in the northern parts of the 48 or in Canada might think 3 – 6 inches is just a baby snowstorm, but to me here in southeastern Pennsylvania, it is a major headache. UGH!

First there is the whole shoveling deal. Neither my husband nor I are able to shovel snow due to health reasons. Thankfully, we have wonderful family, friends, and neighbors who will come and clear the snow for us, but it is a reminder of what we can’t do. Having to take help from others is a humbling experience, but it is a lesson we all need to learn at some point.

Then there is school. We have used all of our snow days, so moving forward any bad weather results in a virtual learning day. I totally understand that, but teaching virtually presents a different set of challenges (as most of you know). Did I bring home everything I needed? Will the wifi be working? Couple that with my shoveling anxieties and not much sleeping happens when we are on “snow watch.”

In addition there is the stress of knowing that my husband and children need to navigate the slippery streets to get to work. Only one of them is working from home. A mother never gets over the need to know that all her cubs are safely back in their dens. I still make my adult children text me to let me know everyone in their homes have made it home safely.

Don’t get me wrong; if all I had to do was stay home safe and warm on the couch watching the silent snow gently drift down, I would think it just lovely. Unfortunately, that isn’t how it works. The beauty of snow is wonderful until you have deal with its aftermath. It is the not knowing, the uncertainty that causes me to stop liking snow after the second or third storm.

If Mother Nature is reading this post, please let this be the last snow of the season. I am ready for some warmer temperatures and sights of spring.