Grief   sol

I miss my mom.  My mother is still living, but living in the world of dementia.  Don’t get me wrong, I visit my mom almost once a week, but it is different.  Our time is spent looking at pictures and trying to remember each person.  Gone is the mom who I could vent to and know that my words would be locked in her vault – never telling my secrets.  Gone is the mom who I could go to and ask for prayers.  She said a 52 day rosary novena that was literally a “stairway to heaven”.  If you needed something from our higher power, you definitely put it on Lucy’s novena list.  Eventually your prayers were answered.  Gone is the mom who would tell me that everything would be alright. I miss my mom!

I am lucky in that I have a great support system made up of my kids and my siblings and their significant others.  I know I can go to them with anything, and they would do their best to give me what I need – an ear to listen, a shoulder to cry on, or a night to just get away from it all.  But all of a sudden I miss my mom!

You see a little over two weeks ago, my husband lost his job.  It was very unexpected.  There is no need to spell out all the details, but it is the first time he has been out of work since 1994.  That year we closed a failing business without knowing what would come next. It was scary, but it all worked out. But we were 23 years younger then, and jobs are easier to come by when you are 38 then when you are 61.  I miss my mom!

I know in my heart that this too shall pass and somehow things will work out.  After all, “everything happens for a reason.”  My husband and I have weathered many twists and turns in our 37 years of wedded bliss.  He leans on me.  I lean on him.  He is my heart and soul.

I really do miss my mom, but I just let the memory of her words splash over me and remind me not to worry so much.  Maybe it’s time I took out my rosary beads.