There are many different religious traditions and opinions about visiting cemeteries. Being raised Catholic and still a practicing Catholic, I routinely visit cemeteries for holidays, other special days, and sometimes at the spur of the moment. When I was young, I was intrigued by the very old gravestones at the cemetery where my paternal grandparents are buried. I wondered about the time period in which these people had lived and felt a twinge of sadness when I came across a child’s grave. Chuck and I would make our cemetery trek to St. Dominic’s Cemetery, where my parents and grandparents are buried, and to Resurrection Cemetery, where his parents and sister are buried, bringing flowers, sharing memories, and saying a silent prayer before we left. Sometimes we felt sadness, but mostly it was reflective and cathartic.
Last week, Chuck’s headstone was set on his grave. I received a message late Tuesday afternoon that it had been placed earlier than expected, and on Wednesday after school, I took a ride to St. John Neumann Cemetery to see the stone. I wasn’t sure how I would feel or react to seeing his name (and mine) etched in stone, but it was somehow very comforting.
I know that Chuck is not in that grave, that his body is present, but his soul is in heaven, yet, with the setting of the stone came the peace of knowing that Chuck’s name is sent out into the world every time someone reads the memorial. Some people who read it will have memories of Chuck; others might wonder who he was, like I did when I was a child visiting St. Dominic’s.
Standing at Chuck’s grave, looking at his name on the stone, brought me a sense of connection. The stone was one last gift to my beloved, honoring the bond that remains between us. It turned out better than I could have hoped, and I think Chuck would approve because it is simple in design, just the way Chuck lived his life.
Some days, when I visit Chuck’s final resting place, I cry and feel deep sadness, thinking about the huge void his passing left in my life. Some days, it is a silent cry with tears gently rolling down my cheeks. Other times, it becomes an ugly cry that has me retreating to my car so as not to make a spectacle of myself. But last week, I felt calm knowing I would keep his legacy and story alive.
Love Lives On…
Rita DiCarne 
I am in awe of your raw honesty, of your sharing your grief journey with us. When I finally got my parents’ headstone placed, it was also with a sense of grief as well as some peace. I knew this was something they wanted, although they did not give me any specifics. I bet Chuck is proud of all you’ve handled since his passing. I hope you are proud of you, too.
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Thank you.
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Rita, your line, “love lives on” leaves me with happy tears for you. Your brave story suggests to me that Chuck would be mighty proud of you! I have a complex relationship with cemeteries but am, like you, fascinated by the messages inferred from headstones. I find a peace in visiting those spots on earth that serve as tiny reminders of those who live on in our love.
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Thank you. That line is etched on our stone. ❤️🩹
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Love lives on… from choosing to have the words on the stone to living them out as you grieve, they are beautiful words to share. The words ring in my heart today especially, too- another anniversary of my husband’s death. So many years now, the hard edges of the loss have softened… the love and memories are still sweet.
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Wishing you a peaceful day.
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There is something about seeing that headstone that brings about mixed emotions. Peace…grief…love. I remember going to the cemetery every Memorial Day where we would lay flowers on my grandparents’ grave and then we, as well as all of the other families there, would gather around the big cross where our priest would conduct a service for all who were buried there.
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Rita, this line made me pause: “thinking about the huge void his passing left in my life”. I feel that void also but I am waiting for a date to have Richard’s ashes placed in the Niche Walls at Arlington.. I am glad that the setting of the stone brought peace. Love Lives On is a beautiful ending to your slice.
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That last line is etched on the stone beneath our names. ❤️
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Rita – this is such a moving post. This is something we will all go through, and to write about it is very brave. I thank you for your courage and your beautifuly words. Chuck is resting in peace until you meet again.
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I have been tracing your journey through grief in your writing, through March and now Tuesdays. I am so glad you are writing about your huge loss. This is a comforting piece. I especially love how the style of the stone ‘fit’ your husband’s life. And your last paragraph, about all the ways to cry, is wonderful and honest.
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Thank you for sharing all your feelings over the years related to cemetaries. You definitely honor your husband, So sorry for your lose but happy about how you homor him in his final resting space. Great comfort, indeed.
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