Wishing and Hoping

~ rdicarne

wish – verb

: to have a desire for (something, such as something unattainable)

What do you wish for?  When you were a child, you might have wished for a day off from school or a special present from Santa. As we get older, our wishes change. Maybe it was for the perfect job, a raise, or a promotion. I used to wish I were thinner or that we would hit the lottery.  Sometimes I wished for perfect weather or for my favorite team to win.

Can wishes come true?  Some can if you are willing to set an intention, work hard, and be patient.  Others are only pipe dreams. Since my life was turned upside down in September, I have found myself wishing for the impossible.

Widow Wishes

I wish I understood the level of grief that came with losing your spouse, so that I could have been more helpful to those widows I know who came before me, but you can never understand until you walk that path.

I wish I didn’t have to experience this pain, but unless we died simultaneously, I would be leaving Chuck with the pain, and that seems selfish.

I wish I had more time with Chuck, but I know that was not up to me, and honestly, no amount of time would have been enough.

I wish I could see into the future and know when I will be reunited with Chuck, but that wouldn’t make the waiting and living any easier.

I wish I could learn to notice all the signs I believe Chuck is sending me, but I also believe he is near and watching over me, even when I don’t see them.

It is okay to wish, but wishing away your life is not healthy or productive. I am working on changing “I wish” to “I hope.”  

hope – verb

: to cherish a desire with anticipation : to want something to happen or be true

 My hope is to continue to work through my grief and learn to allow it to live beside me, not consume me. I had many hopes for the future. Now, that future looks different, but it is a future nonetheless.

20 thoughts on “Wishing and Hoping”

  1. Rita, this juxtaposition of wishing and hoping is so filled with hope despite the hurt. I am in awe of the bravery you demonstrate in sharing your grief through your writing. This slice touched my heart.

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  2. Rita, I agree with your first widow wish of not being able to know this kind of grief and the exact words that will comfort…until this path is walked. It seems that you have processed a lot through your writing, which I think is a wonderful way to process emotions and feelings. And I like how you went from wishes to hope-the hope to let grief live alongside you but not consume you.

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  3. I echo what Beth said. I know I can’t plan for the future – or rather what I plan may not be what happens. That used to make me nuts. I’m also learning how to change wish into hope, but not for the same reasons as you. (One of our adult kids developed epilepsy a few years ago, and the years since have been a struggle, both for him and for me.) I appreciate your post and the wisdom that you shared.

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  4. Rita, I have no words, this is so beautifully written and shares an amazing comparison between two things we know so well. What we wish for and what we hope for.

    I just want to say thank you, this is so deep and profound and I continue to pray for your journey through grief, but knowing that these written words are helping to heal, others is so very special.

    I just loved this so much. This needs to go more than just as a Facebook post. This is very, very special. Just like you, my friend❤️

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  7. Your wishes and hopes ring true. Give yourself a lot of grace. Let yourself feel deeply as the loss is deep. Tears can be healing, especially when there are smiles, too- both from remembering and from new things that you experience as you keep going into your future. You may gain comfort from others who are widows, too… but every journey is unique and there is so much you have to get through in your own way. And you can.

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  9. Such an incredibly powerful piece. We are taught from a young age to plan. Plan for college, plan for a career, for children, for partnership, for vacations, even to plan for an ordinary day with a “to do” list. When are plans are upended or dashed, it is hard to know what to do. You so beautifully capture your experience since September. I am so, so sorry for your loss. By writing about the shift from wish to hope, you are setting an example for all of us — whether you realize it or not. Thank you for your honest sharing. I am so glad I got to read your words today.

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