Six months down, a lifetime to go. Being a widow is hard. Taking on new responsibilities is hard. Living alone for the first time in my life is hard. Moving forward is hard. Being happy is hard. All of these things are hard, but not impossible.
Some days, it would be easy to give up, plant myself in front of the TV, and veg out. Some days I am up to the new tasks, but don’t always feel confident. Chuck was always my biggest champion, and he believed I could do anything I put my mind to, whether it was true or not. Sometimes I think he believed in me more than I believed in myself.
I am trying to overcome limiting beliefs that crowd my mind, especially on days when I am sad or tired. This is the most difficult thing I have ever had to do in my life: learning how to live without my best friend and partner. Even though I don’t like or want this new life, it is all I have. If I truly want to honor Chuck, I need to make the most of it. We were a team, and our motto was “We’ll figure it out.” I know I can figure this out with my faith, family, and friends, but more importantly, with myself.
I am working on believing in myself more. Over these past six months, I have learned and continue to learn new things about myself every day. I started a list of things I believe (or want to believe) and still need work on.
- I believe I will always miss Chuck immeasurably.
- I believe he is close by and watching over me.
- I believe life seems unfair sometimes.
- I believe I am strong enough to take care of myself.
- I believe I have a supportive community of family, friends, and neighbors.
- I believe I am intelligent and still have gifts to share.
- I believe I will be happy again in some form.
- I believe God has a plan for me.
- I believe in the power of yet.
Now I need to keep repeating these until I believe them without hesitation.
Rita DiCarne 
Life is horrible unfair. After losing a loved one, a friend reminded me that grief is not a straight path. It’s a wave that will be completely calm for the longest time then rise up and swallow you whole. But if you can ride the wave, you’ll find yourself on the other side in the calm again. I believe you can do that.
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I think writing the way you have is the best way to discover yourself. I like the idea of writing this Widow’s Creed, to read when you need to and add more as needed. You are strong and resilient, Rita.
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Writing your Widow’s Creed is good. The guiding principles in it will help you live a life that honors Chuck. When the wave of grief washes over me and I feel like I am drowning or when it gives me a gut punch and I can hardly breathe, then I remember to be still and know who God is, to lean hard into Him (Psalm 46). Hugs.
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Believing in ourselves is hard, but yet we continue to amaze ourselves by what we can do when we have to. Know that whatever you undertake, Chuck is still in your corner rooting you on.
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this is such a powerful piece both to read and I’m sure for you to write. You are very strong and I know Chuck is proud of you always.
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Tita,
Life is unfair sometimes, and it is okay to think that. I don’t think any of us deserve either the fairness or unfairness. It’s all relative to our circumstances and mostly random. As a society we have created so many harmful narratives that cause us pain in times of tragedy. You will get there w/ all these beliefs. You can grieve and be strong at the same time. It’s okay to veg in front of the tv, too. Rest is resistance.
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Believing in yourself is hard. Throw in grief and new territories, and sometimes you wonder if you can actually make it. You are and you will. Your bravery will astound you. Your progress will bring you joy. Your empathy will multiply. You will discover a you that was there all along and you will be proud of her. Bless you!
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I am going to put your words in my journal to remind myself! Thank you.
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It sux that you have to do this, but just like you and Chuck were an amazing example of marriage, you are an inspirational example of widowhood. Like a Timex, you take a licking and keep on ticking, and usually with a smile. I’m so proud of you.
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Thanks, love you!
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I wrote your words “overcome limiting beliefs that crowd my mind,” in my journal, along with the action step of focusing on the “I believe (or want to believe.)” Grateful for the seeds you planted this morning.
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