Change is inevitable, and each season of life brings challenges and wonders. I lost Chuck at the start of autumn, my favorite season, and my grief kept me from seeing the beauty of the changing leaves. As autumn passed into winter, the wonder of the first snowfall soon gave way to the trials of a snowy season we hadn’t seen in years. It felt as though Mother Nature was adding insult to injury.
Now, as winter fades, I find myself on the first day of spring—a season of hope and new beginnings—and I hesitate to embrace it. New beginnings can be exciting or frightening, welcomed or not. I never wanted this new beginning that Chuck’s passing has forced on me: widowhood. I knew it was possible, like winning the lottery, but that hasn’t happened. Yet, here I am.
I am on a see-saw of hope and despair. Some days, I am hopeful that life can be good again, even without the love of my life physically present. Other days, I fall into a pit of despair where nothing makes sense. It is a grueling process that takes time, patience, and grace. I have plenty of time, but am short on patience and grace. Yet, I remain hopeful.
This spring I hope…
- The warmer weather and longer days will bring a lightness to my mood.
- I am able to begin focusing on things that bring me joy.
- I can continue to carry Chuck with me, honor his memory with more smiles than tears.
- That cleaning out my classroom in preparation for retirement goes smoothly.
- To make a concerted effort to spend time with people who renew my spirit.
Here’s hoping!
Rita DiCarne 
May the new life of spring and the warm days of summer bring you comfort during this difficult time of navigating loss and change. I’m discovering: When you love deeply, grief is heavier. Memories can hurt even as they heal. Grief can get us stuck in the past and make the future impossible. The comfort of my faith has been my pillar. Blessings.
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Thank you. I am leaning on my faith as well.
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Yes, hope. Focus on joyful memories, joyful new moments- both are treasures. More smiles than tears- you’ll get there. Time with people who renew your spirit will help so much.
The days in the pit of despair will come less often. The intensity of the year of firsts will lighten. The love will stay strong, the memories will be warm.
Now, about cleaning that classroom- what can I say?! It will be crazy! Give away what you can! But keep what you cherish- especially books. You will still enjoy them. You will miss some of what you give away, but mostly, it’s better knowing others are loving and enjoying them.
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Thank you for your sage advice!
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I think it is what you are already telling yourself.
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Hope helps us in all that we do and want to do. Take care.
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I am sorry for your loss. To find hope in things is a gift, and I am sending you hope through the universe!
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Firsts are difficult and can cause conflicting emotions. Hoping the warmer days lighten your heart. Memories of love and good days bring you comfort. Spring brings you all of the things you hope for.
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