Today was the hardest day so far since I left school on March 12th. I don’t know if it was waking up to rainy day, or the realization that this really is the new normal. Last week I was searching for the right word for what I was feeling, and I finally figured out I was searching for the word paralyzed.
Maybe paralyzed isn’t quite the right word; at first I did feel a little paralyzed – like on a snow day when you just keep watching the news to see how many inches you could expect. But actually I was more in denial even though I had been following the spread of COVID-19. Working on getting out work to my students took up most of my time, and didn’t give me too much time for anything else.
This morning I woke up feeling sad – sad that this is my new normal. The day didn’t get better. Our governor declared a stay-at-home order for the next two weeks for my home county. I was staying at home anyway, but that is not the same as being ordered to stay home. Later, I got notified that I would have a 90 minute window to get into my classroom and pick up what I needed for an extended period at home. Going back into my classroom was sad, knowing that I had no idea when/if I will be back this year.
Things changed about an hour after I got home though. As I sat on the couch, I started to feel a little better. I decided that it’s okay to feel sad, to let myself shed a few tears. This is definitely a storm the likes of which we have never seen before, but I refuse to be paralyzed and wait for it to pass. I will keep dancing in the rain even though I don’t dance that well…lol.
Keep dancing and stay well.