Rainy Day Blues

Day 23/31

Today was the hardest day so far since I left school on March 12th. I don’t know if it was waking up to rainy day, or the realization that this really is the new normal. Last week I was searching for the right word for what I was feeling, and I finally figured out I was searching for the word paralyzed.

Maybe paralyzed isn’t quite the right word; at first I did feel a little paralyzed – like on a snow day when you just keep watching the news to see how many inches you could expect. But actually I was more in denial even though I had been following the spread of COVID-19. Working on getting out work to my students took up most of my time, and didn’t give me too much time for anything else.

This morning I woke up feeling sad – sad that this is my new normal. The day didn’t get better. Our governor declared a stay-at-home order for the next two weeks for my home county. I was staying at home anyway, but that is not the same as being ordered to stay home. Later, I got notified that I would have a 90 minute window to get into my classroom and pick up what I needed for an extended period at home. Going back into my classroom was sad, knowing that I had no idea when/if I will be back this year.

Things changed about an hour after I got home though. As I sat on the couch, I started to feel a little better. I decided that it’s okay to feel sad, to let myself shed a few tears. This is definitely a storm the likes of which we have never seen before, but I refuse to be paralyzed and wait for it to pass. I will keep dancing in the rain even though I don’t dance that well…lol.

Keep dancing and stay well.

5 thoughts on “Rainy Day Blues

  1. I agree. It’s okay to feel sad. Something was just taken away and there is nobody to even yell at. I’m thinking your dancing will just get better and better. I loved the way you ended this.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Thank you for sharing. This is so similar to how I have been processing this experience, but I haven’t gotten to the dancing in the rain part yet. Your post has encouraged me to try harder with the way I’m looking at the situation.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I was really drawn to this line: “Last week I was searching for the right word for what I was feeling, and I finally figured out I was searching for the word paralyzed.” It does feel paralyzing to have so much be unknown and out of our control. I love how you talked about the rain and then used it as a metaphor. I hope tomorrow is better!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Oh, I love this because every line you wrote portrayed my every thought. You are right-it’s one thing to self isolate and quite another to be forced to. At that point, we’ve lost our control. Your ending is great the way you transitioned to joy and dancing in the rain. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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