music

This is What Grief Sounds Like

~ rdicarne ~ 9 Comments

Music has always been an integral part of my life, having the power to evoke emotions, make me want to move my body, or conjure moments from the past. While driving back and forth to the hospital during Chuck’s 18-day stay, everything changed. Once I learned the gravity of Chuck’s condition, I could no longer listen to my usual music. Listening to the music of the 70s, 80s, and 90s—which once brought back so many happy memories of our dating days and early married life—now felt too painful, especially as I dealt with the uncertainty of the present. Yet a silent car ride left my mind open to spiralling into the deep, dark thoughts.

After Chuck passed, everything was heartbreaking, but especially listening to music. Classical and jazz instrumental music filled some of the musical void, but I needed more. I am not sure how it happened exactly, but I began a “grief” playlist on my music streaming service, and oddly enough, it was very comforting. Listening to these songs made me feel less alone – like someone else knew what I was going through – how much my heart was hurting.

The first song on my list is “I’m Not Okay” by Jellyroll. I remembered seeing him perform this song on a Grand Ole Opry special with a group of local Nashville students. Some songs came to mind organically, while others were researched online. You’d be surprised how many you find when you Google “songs about grief.”

Then I remembered one of my former students had messaged me shortly after Chuck’s death, sending me “Bigger Than the Whole Sky” by Taylor Swift because it had helped her through some difficult times, so that went on the list, too. Right now, my list stands at 53 tunes. It is a mix of musical genres. Some songs I knew, some were new to me. A few of the songs are not really about grief, but brought me solace, so they made the list as well.

These are some of my favorites.

  • “Supermarket Flowers” – Ed Sheeran
  • “I Will Not Say Goodbye” – Danny Gokey
  • “If I Would Have Known” – Kyle Hume
  • “Memories” – Maroon Five
  • “Beat You There” – Will Dempsy
  • “Slipped Away” – Avril Lavigne
  • “Beloved” – Mumford and Son
  • “Dancing in the Sky” – Dani and Lizzy
  • “For Good” – Kristen Chenoweth and Idina Menzel
  • “Never Not Remember You” – Cooper Alan

I listened to this playlist all the time, especially when the thoughts of listening to Christmas music made me sick to my stomach. It’s funny how these songs never made me feel sad, only seen and understood. I am about four months into my grieving journey, and I have just started to be able to listen to some of our old favorite stations. Sometimes a song will make me melancholy, but little by little, I am finding some of them bring a smile to my face, especially when I hear Chuck’s inappropriate lyric changes in my head. (IYKYK)

Everyone’s grief is different. I lost my spouse and best friend, but maybe you are grieving another family member, a friend, a beloved pet, or the loss of a job. Whatever it is, there may be a song for you out there that will bring you some comfort. Why not try crafting your own list?

Morning Muse – Music

~ rdicarne ~ Leave a comment

“National Memory Day on March 21 is a day celebrating the brain as a function of the human body that helps us to recall events and retrieve experiences from the past.” https://www.nationaldaycalendar.com/national-day

This morning on my drive to work I was listening to WRTI classical music when I was suddenly transported back to college by the opening notes of Georges Bizet’s Farandole from L’Arlésienne, a piece I played as a member of the string bass section in the Chestnut Hill College orchestra. For the next four minutes I “sang” along with a “bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, badadadum” picturing in my mind’s eye the entrance of each section of the orchestra.

Although I haven’t been a member of an orchestra in over 44 years, I could close my eyes (which I didn’t because I was driving) and be on that stage – one small part of a wonderful ensemble. Music memories are some of the strongest and fondest in my memory diary.

For your listening pleasure!

The Piano Man

~ rdicarne ~ 3 Comments

I have been a Billy Joel fan since high school in the 70s. Some of his music is melancholy and moody which gels well with teenage angst. Joel is a classically trained pianist and has amazing keyboard chops. The piano player in me dreamed of being able to play his “Root Beer Rag” but it was much too complicated, and I gave up. While I love Billy’s piano playing, the storytelling in his lyrics draws me in and moves me.

One night last week I was up too late and caught Billy Joel on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert. After some small talk, Colbert noted that Billy Joel’s iconic and signature song, “Piano Man” was 50 years old. “Piano Man” was released on November 3, 1973. How can that be 50 years ago? I was a sophomore in high school!

Billy took a job playing piano at a bar called The Executive Lounge, under his first and middle name, Billy Martin in Los Angeles in 1972 to pay the bills. “Piano Man” is a memoir of sorts. Colbert asked Joel if he knew that “Piano Man” would be such a fan favorite, and Joel responded that he didn’t even think the song was that good. It was in waltz time (3/4) and the lyrics were like limericks. Limericks? How did I miss that?

Limerick Format

“And the piano, it sounds like a carnival
And the microphone smells like a beer
And they sit at the bar / and put bread in my jar
And say, ‘Man, what are you doin’ here?'”

“Now John at the bar is a friend of mine
He gets me my drinks for free
And he’s quick with a joke / or to light up your smoke
But there’s someplace that he’d rather be.”

Well I’ll be darn, many verses are in limerick format! Maybe it’s not just his musicianship and storytelling that makes me such a huge fan. Maybe it’s because he is a poet.