faith

Legacy

~ rdicarne ~ Leave a comment

It is hard to believe that it has been almost a year since Chuck passed away on 9/26/25. One year ago today, I took him to the ER with hopes of finding an answer to his symptoms. It was not the answer we were looking for. I can picture him walking down our path to the car. If you had told me then that he would never return to our home again, I would not have believed you.

I have written many things about Chuck over the last 11.5 months, hoping to share what an extraordinary yet unpretentious man he was. He was never happier than when he was feeding his family, friends, and neighbors. Seeing people enjoy what he had prepared brought him great joy. Whether it was a holiday dinner or a random Tuesday, there was always room for one more at our table because Chuck always cooked much more than enough!

Ernie Banks said, “The measure of a man is in the lives he has touched.” Chuck touched so many lives with his culinary creations, but none as much as my life and the lives of our children and grandchildren. He led by example, and we reaped the delicious benefits. Yet his touch rippled in large circles beyond our kitchen. He took food to his eye doctor and our car salesman, and brought snacks to the snowplow drivers and our landscapers, making sure everyone was fed and satisfied. It made his heart happy. With that in mind, my children and I have created The DiCarne Family Table.

What is The DiCarne Family Table? (from our Facebook page)

The DiCarne Family is our family’s way of carrying forward the values that were so important to Dad: family, generosity, connection, and showing up for others.

Throughout the year, we plan to choose meaningful opportunities to support families through food, gathering, and simple acts of care.

The projects may look a little different each time. We might provide meals, collect items for families, support a community organization, or create something that gives families an opportunity to spend time together.

What will stay the same is the purpose behind it.

We want each effort to reflect what our family table has always represented: a place where people are cared for, welcomed, and reminded that there is room for them.

The DiCarne Family Table

Making room at the table.

Our first project is creating Brunch All Day Bags to distribute to families caring for seriously ill, disabled, or injured children. Details are on our Facebook page. This post isn’t necessarily to solicit donations, but if you feel moved, we will gladly accept them. My purpose is to share how we are doing our best to flip the script a bit and focus on how Chuck lived rather than how he died, and what better way to honor him than to pour our grief into action.

As I am closing in on the end of this year of “firsts,” I am doing my best to figure out ways to carry my grief without letting it consume me. It is by far the hardest thing I have ever experienced. I know I will always be sad that Chuck is not physically here by my side; that will never change. I know there will always be some tears, and that’s okay. Yet I also know his legacy will live on in my children and grandchildren, and in the work we do as a family through The DiCarne Family Table. I think he would approve.

San Giuseppe

~ rdicarne ~ 3 Comments

Today, in the Catholic Church, is the Feast of St. Joseph, husband of Mary and the foster father of Jesus. He is the patron saint of a happy death, workers, fathers, travelers, and immigrants. St. Joseph’s Day in our house was always accompanied by Zeppole di San Giuseppe (St. Joseph’s Cake). Zeppole are traditionally made from choux pastry, but here in the US, French crullers are more common. They are cut in half and filled with either vanilla pastry cream or my favorite, ricotta cheese, similar to a cannoli filling. They are dusted with powdered sugar and topped with a cherry.

Celebrating a person’s feast day is a widely held practice in Italy. It is mostly celebrated by religious families in southern Italy.

“For many Italians, celebrating one’s onomastico is just as special as celebrating one’s birthday, and for some, it is even more special. Onomastico means “name-day” in Italian, and in Italy, there is a custom where Catholics named after a saint will celebrate their onomastico on the same day as that saint’s feast day.” https://italianenthusiast.com/onomastico/

Chuck always was up for a celebration, so he wanted to celebrate on November 4th, the Feast of St. Charles Borromeo, but especially on March 19th, the Feast of St. Joseph (Chuck’s middle name), because it came with those delicious treats. Most years, Chuck would buy them at his favorite Italian pastry shops, but some years he made them himself. Either way, it wouldn’t be St. Joseph’s Day without indulging in a zeppole or two.

It occurred to me that Joseph was the perfect middle name for Chuck after reflecting on St. Joseph. St. Joseph is the patron saint of immigrants, and Chuck is the son of immigrants, being born five days after his family arrived here from Italy after a trans-Atlantic journey. Chuck was always so proud of his Italian heritage.

St. Joseph is the patron saint of workers, and I truly don’t know a harder-working man than Chuck. He began working at age 10 as a paperboy and never stopped working. He did whatever was needed to provide for his family.

St. Joseph is the patron saint of fathers, and Chuck’s greatest joy was being a father. He was so proud of his children and wasn’t afraid to sing their praises to anyone who would listen. Once he became a grandfather (Pops), there was no end to his love for his four grandchildren. He always told them, “I love you more.”

So on this, my first St. Joseph’s Day without Chuck, I will make my way to an Italian pastry shop after school, buy myself a zeppole (or two), and celebrate Charles Joseph DiCarne.