There are moments in our lives that split time for us—we remember things as before and after these lines of demarcation. Some are simple and unrecorded in history, but they stand out vividly in my memory.

Before and After Color TV – I remember we were among the first to have a color TV because my grandmother lived with us and wanted one, so she bought one. We were so lucky to be able to watch Lawrence Welk and Ed Sullivan in color (just kidding… not so happy), but the trade-off was seeing the Saturday cartoons in living color!

Before and After the Remote Control – Before the remote control, parents treated kids like a remote control, having us get up and change channels for them. Afterward, there were squabbles over who got to control the remote.

Other instances drew a deep, heavy line that stayed with me forever.

Before and After the Assassination of JFK – I was in kindergarten, and I can still remember the day over 60 years later. It was a sort of loss of innocence in the sense that now I knew there were bad people in the world.

Before and After the Internet – I can still hear the dial-up service sound in my head. How exciting that we could look things up without going to the library, searching in the card catalog, and stretching our Dewey Decimal System muscles. Now, the Internet has places I want to protect my students and grandchildren from exploring, which is not as exciting.

Before and After Covid – Sometimes it is difficult to remember the world before Covid hit in 2020. Never in my wildest dreams could I imagine such a pervasive virus, with people wearing masks and isolating. I realized how much I took for granted before the virus reached me here in Pennsylvania.

Before and After Chuck’s Death – This is obviously the most devastating “before and after” for me. Before, I was part of a couple, a pair, a team. Now, I am going solo. Before, Chuck handled all household maintenance; now it’s up to me to deal with contractors and service providers. Before, I had my other half, my soul mate, my best friend to confide in, ask for advice, lean on. Now, I need to learn to lean on myself, trust myself, and believe in myself now that my biggest champion is gone. I have family and friends to lean on and support me, but ultimately it is up to me to keep things going.

Before and Afters are hard. Change is hard. Life without Chuck is hard. I am not the same person I was before Chuck’s death. I am not quite sure who I am, but I know that my “after” self still has a lot to process and learn, but I also know that I can figure it out.